Why Is This So Funny?

Do you love teevee but not have time to watch every episode of inanity on every blessedly absurd show? Then watch The Soup on E!. It's on Friday nights at 10, but I prefer to watch it on Saturday morning at 10:00. I don't mean for this to sound like a shameless plug for the show, but it's just fabulous and Joel McHale is Ryan Seacrest's evil twin. For that reason, it's especially good during American Idol season.

Where Are You, Cate Blanchett?

It's Award Season, people. This means that roughly every other Sunday from mid-January to mid-March, I am watching a parade of celebrities get dressed up in borrowed fashion and jewels, and win awards for such invaluable contributions to the world like "being in a movie" or "guest-starring on a teevee show" or "collaborating with John Mayer." I watch from the beginning of the Red Carpet coverage to the last glorious post-ceremony interview. And then for the rest of the week I scan the Best and Worst Dressed lists to see if I agree or disagree. Boyfriend really loves this time of year.

Each award show has its own merits. The Golden Globes are great because everyone gets increasingly drunk as the night goes on and say the most ridiculous things. The Grammys are fun because there are musical performances and the worst/most insane fashion can be witnessed. The Oscars are amazing because they are the most important to the film industry, plus the actresses all seriously bring their A-game to their dress choices. Sunday night was the SAG awards, which are great to watch because they are only about actors, so they cut out all the boring stuff that no one cares about (and let's face it, the ugly people), like cinematography and special effects, and writing. Bleh.

The fashion over the last two award shows has been pretty solid (the GGs were 2 weeks ago). Nothing earth-shattering, in either direction, but some pretty looks. Let's go over a few.

Evan Rachel Wood.

I want to hate you, Evan, because you supposedly broke up the marriage of the most lovely Dita Von Teese. But I think I forgive you now because a) you seem to have blossomed into an elegant dresser, much like Ms. Dita and b) Dita's ex-husband was Marilyn Manson. But yes, I really liked your looks at both the GG and SAG. See you at the Oscars.

Anne Hathaway.
I just love you. I think you are sweet and funny and a great actress. I like the way you dress and the way you smile. I think we should be friends. You should call me sometime.

Kate WinsletYou have always been gorgeous, but something about you recently just oozes beauty. You are one of those people who get more beautiful with age. Your GG dress was simple and elegant and tuxedo-y in a way. The color and neckline of your SAG dress was gorge, but there's something about your chesticle area that makes me want to push the girls up and in, and the way the fabric changes as your dress mermaids out is kind of cheap looking.

Terri HatcherI know you've made some best-dressed lists for your white "oragami" SAG gown, but I'm sorry, I immediately thought of Ariel's attempt at human clothing when she washes ashore for the first time.

Christina Applegate

I never like what you wear. You are a pretty woman who is very likeable. Please fire your stylist because she makes you look like you're trying to hard. And please lay off the red lip.

Angelina Jolie

For someone that is supposedly so interesting, you certainly don't dress like it. I know you're busy taking care of your six children and having sex with Brad Pitt so that you can have six more children and saving the world with children, or whatever, but may I remind you that you are an actress. That's your job--to look good and star in movies. So would it kill you to act like you're an actress? I don't find your lack of effort endearing, I find it snobbish.

So yeah, that's a short summary of my opinions on fashion for the last two award shows. It's not entirely passionate because I just felt like something was missing. And I've finally realized what that something (actually someone) is: Cate Blanchett. Where are you, Cate Blanchett? You are always my favorite Red Carpet staple; you're always one step ahead of the trends, but you make them work, and you always look amazing. Remember these?

You costarred with Brad Pitt in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, so you should totally be at these shows. Where are you!? Please tell me you will be at the Oscars. I miss you. And I need someone to balance out Marisa Tomei.


[eonline.com]

The Dumbest Thing I've Seen All Day

This may surprise you, but it comes from our good friends at Fox News. So Nancy Pelosi is getting a lot of heat from the right (and some hyper-sensitive media outlets) over the expansion of a family-planning program that's included in the proposed stimulus package. As TPM explains:

What's being proposed is an expansion in the number of states that can use Medicaid money, with a federal match, to help low-income women prevent unwanted pregnancies. Of the 26 states that already have Medicaid waivers for family planning, eight are led by Republican governors (AL, FL, MS, SC, CA, LA, MN and RI -- a ninth, MO, had a GOP governor until this past November).

Well a genius blogger on Fox News has made the assertion that less people (because they have been aborted) means less taxpayers:

We have already reduced the number of taxpayers by an estimated 50 million since abortion became legal in 1973. If we had 50 million more people paying taxes, would we be in our current budget malaise?

Yes, he's serious. And he probably hasn't read Freakonomics.

Read his genius commenter aptly named I Love Rush, Hannity, and Savage:

The Goverment needs to tell everyone that abortions and contraceptives are not allowed. Women who get abortions should go to jail, no exceptions. Doctors who perform abortions should have their licenses taken away. People who get caught with contraceptives should pay a big fine and/or go to jail.

Wow. Just...wow.

If You Meow'd It, Then You Shoulda Put a Brad On It

In this award season, Beyonce's "Single Ladies" just barely beats out WOMANIZER WOMANIZER WOMANIZER WOMANIZER for "Song That Most Easily Gets Stuck in My Head," as well as in the category "Song That Is Fun to Sing to Friends to Make Them Laugh/Get Stuck in Their Heads, Too."

Well take the awesomeness that is Miss B and add a little Mr. B--as in Pres 44--and you have something more magical than the unicorns that serve Paula Abdul her morning cocktail.

I'm Back, Bitches

Why? Because I want to.