Why Is This So Funny?

Do you love teevee but not have time to watch every episode of inanity on every blessedly absurd show? Then watch The Soup on E!. It's on Friday nights at 10, but I prefer to watch it on Saturday morning at 10:00. I don't mean for this to sound like a shameless plug for the show, but it's just fabulous and Joel McHale is Ryan Seacrest's evil twin. For that reason, it's especially good during American Idol season.

Where Are You, Cate Blanchett?

It's Award Season, people. This means that roughly every other Sunday from mid-January to mid-March, I am watching a parade of celebrities get dressed up in borrowed fashion and jewels, and win awards for such invaluable contributions to the world like "being in a movie" or "guest-starring on a teevee show" or "collaborating with John Mayer." I watch from the beginning of the Red Carpet coverage to the last glorious post-ceremony interview. And then for the rest of the week I scan the Best and Worst Dressed lists to see if I agree or disagree. Boyfriend really loves this time of year.

Each award show has its own merits. The Golden Globes are great because everyone gets increasingly drunk as the night goes on and say the most ridiculous things. The Grammys are fun because there are musical performances and the worst/most insane fashion can be witnessed. The Oscars are amazing because they are the most important to the film industry, plus the actresses all seriously bring their A-game to their dress choices. Sunday night was the SAG awards, which are great to watch because they are only about actors, so they cut out all the boring stuff that no one cares about (and let's face it, the ugly people), like cinematography and special effects, and writing. Bleh.

The fashion over the last two award shows has been pretty solid (the GGs were 2 weeks ago). Nothing earth-shattering, in either direction, but some pretty looks. Let's go over a few.

Evan Rachel Wood.

I want to hate you, Evan, because you supposedly broke up the marriage of the most lovely Dita Von Teese. But I think I forgive you now because a) you seem to have blossomed into an elegant dresser, much like Ms. Dita and b) Dita's ex-husband was Marilyn Manson. But yes, I really liked your looks at both the GG and SAG. See you at the Oscars.

Anne Hathaway.
I just love you. I think you are sweet and funny and a great actress. I like the way you dress and the way you smile. I think we should be friends. You should call me sometime.

Kate WinsletYou have always been gorgeous, but something about you recently just oozes beauty. You are one of those people who get more beautiful with age. Your GG dress was simple and elegant and tuxedo-y in a way. The color and neckline of your SAG dress was gorge, but there's something about your chesticle area that makes me want to push the girls up and in, and the way the fabric changes as your dress mermaids out is kind of cheap looking.

Terri HatcherI know you've made some best-dressed lists for your white "oragami" SAG gown, but I'm sorry, I immediately thought of Ariel's attempt at human clothing when she washes ashore for the first time.

Christina Applegate

I never like what you wear. You are a pretty woman who is very likeable. Please fire your stylist because she makes you look like you're trying to hard. And please lay off the red lip.

Angelina Jolie

For someone that is supposedly so interesting, you certainly don't dress like it. I know you're busy taking care of your six children and having sex with Brad Pitt so that you can have six more children and saving the world with children, or whatever, but may I remind you that you are an actress. That's your job--to look good and star in movies. So would it kill you to act like you're an actress? I don't find your lack of effort endearing, I find it snobbish.

So yeah, that's a short summary of my opinions on fashion for the last two award shows. It's not entirely passionate because I just felt like something was missing. And I've finally realized what that something (actually someone) is: Cate Blanchett. Where are you, Cate Blanchett? You are always my favorite Red Carpet staple; you're always one step ahead of the trends, but you make them work, and you always look amazing. Remember these?

You costarred with Brad Pitt in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, so you should totally be at these shows. Where are you!? Please tell me you will be at the Oscars. I miss you. And I need someone to balance out Marisa Tomei.


[eonline.com]

The Dumbest Thing I've Seen All Day

This may surprise you, but it comes from our good friends at Fox News. So Nancy Pelosi is getting a lot of heat from the right (and some hyper-sensitive media outlets) over the expansion of a family-planning program that's included in the proposed stimulus package. As TPM explains:

What's being proposed is an expansion in the number of states that can use Medicaid money, with a federal match, to help low-income women prevent unwanted pregnancies. Of the 26 states that already have Medicaid waivers for family planning, eight are led by Republican governors (AL, FL, MS, SC, CA, LA, MN and RI -- a ninth, MO, had a GOP governor until this past November).

Well a genius blogger on Fox News has made the assertion that less people (because they have been aborted) means less taxpayers:

We have already reduced the number of taxpayers by an estimated 50 million since abortion became legal in 1973. If we had 50 million more people paying taxes, would we be in our current budget malaise?

Yes, he's serious. And he probably hasn't read Freakonomics.

Read his genius commenter aptly named I Love Rush, Hannity, and Savage:

The Goverment needs to tell everyone that abortions and contraceptives are not allowed. Women who get abortions should go to jail, no exceptions. Doctors who perform abortions should have their licenses taken away. People who get caught with contraceptives should pay a big fine and/or go to jail.

Wow. Just...wow.

If You Meow'd It, Then You Shoulda Put a Brad On It

In this award season, Beyonce's "Single Ladies" just barely beats out WOMANIZER WOMANIZER WOMANIZER WOMANIZER for "Song That Most Easily Gets Stuck in My Head," as well as in the category "Song That Is Fun to Sing to Friends to Make Them Laugh/Get Stuck in Their Heads, Too."

Well take the awesomeness that is Miss B and add a little Mr. B--as in Pres 44--and you have something more magical than the unicorns that serve Paula Abdul her morning cocktail.

I'm Back, Bitches

Why? Because I want to.

David Cook

Okay so I love American Idol. I'm not ashamed of it, I'm totally out in the open about my complete adoration of the show. I watched every season except for the one that happened when I was in Spain. But that was the Carrie Underwood season and everyone knew from the first episode that she was going to win so it was a waste of a season anyway.

This season was especially awesome for me because I had a not-so-subtle crush on one Mr. David Cook. Like, love him, want to have his babies, want him to remix Mariah Carey songs for me over and over while I flatten and then respike his hair in various fauxhawks.

So today David's album drops. I already have it (I'm not telling you how) and it's very brooding pop rock. Doesn't exactly match the rest of my ipod (except for the other David Cook downloads), but it's David, so I don't care. He's amazing.

But while looking for other reviews of his album on the interweb, I came across this awesome video from last year's Idol results show. This video made me laugh harder than anything I've seen in a long time. You don't even have to be an Idol fan to appreciate the wonders of this video:



One of those girls may one day be found in a car outside of Paula Abdul's. God, I can't wait til January.

Daily Dose

MVP

Today the MLB announces the NL MVP for 2008 at 2pm. Ryan Howard is a major contender and Chase Utley (so dreamy) is a darkhorse. Check out who the dudes at ESPN picked.

Update: Albert Pujols won. Well, I guess you can't win everything. Especially when you've already won the World Series.

Daily Dose

Oh wow, hey, check this out. Comedy Central now posts Daily Show Weekly Recaps. So I will now post Weekly Recaps. Enjoy.

Monday Sports Update

My quasi-vacation from sports continued this week as I didn't really watch either Penn State on Saturday (although it wasn't an option on DC networks) and only half-watched the Eagles on Sunday while alternately napping and reading the Sunday NYT.

Penn State beat Indiana, 34-7. Woot. Now that we're definitely not in the running for the National Championship, the team has lost a little sparkle. I still love the Nittany Lions, no doubt, but a lot of the urgency of the season has noticably dissipated over the last week. It was reported that a lot of students were selling their tickets (much to the dismay of die-hard fans and alumni who pay mucho dinero each year for their tix). Even my siblings have looked at next weekend's final regular season game as a throw-away, allowing them to come home early for Thanksgiving. We're still predicted to be in the Rose Bowl, which is still something to be proud of. But that Iowa game will haunt this team for a while. In other PSU football news, JoePa says he has no plans to retire...buuut he will probably need hip replacement surgery in the off season.

So the Eagles tied? I pose this as an interrogative because it's just bizzarre. The tie yesterday between the Eagles and Cincinnati--13-13--was the first since 2002. Like, this isn't fubol, it's football, since when do we tie? The end of the game after one overtime was a strange scene with no one celebrating, no one upset, and everyone just kind of looking confused. Even McNabb (who threw 3 pics and looked pretty terrible all game) said: "I didn't know that [there could be a tie]...I've never been part of a tie. I never even knew it was in the rule book. I was looking forward to getting the opportunity to get out there and try to drive to win the game. But unfortunately with the rules, we settled with a tie." Even though it's not technically a loss, it still feels like one to the Eagles who really needed a win this week. Yeah, sorry guys: the Eagles' season is over and quite possibly (probably, hopefully) maybe so are the careers of certain players and coaches.

Hey, did you know the Phillies won the World Series?

Best Waste of Time/Awesomest Distraction

Have you met the Shiba Inus?

This site is dedicated to capturing--on video--the daily activities of 6 Shiba Inu puppies. Yes, these are puppies in streaming video.

Stream videos at Ustream

Daily Dose

Also, Bill O'Reilly tonight? Yikes.

Mystery Diagnosis

As I've mentioned (a few times), I really enjoy reading the Sunday NYT and, especially, the Sunday NYT Magazine. It is evidentiary support #46 of how I'm super white.

So this week I actually read the Diagnosis section. I'm not really into science much. Well, I shouldn't say that. I've read a few sciencey books and I listen to Boyfriend when he tells me about certain diseases he's read about or evolutionary science and such. But this week, I decided to give it a whirl and what I found was an incredibly interesting story. It was kind of like reading an episode of House, without the ridiculous claim that this episode is the Craziest. Case. Ever. And without Hugh Laurie's unrealistic apathy for his patients beyond their mystery medical conditions.

Anyway. This week's story is amazing. It's about this young woman who started having awful migraines that turned into psychotic hallucinations and paranoid outbursts and, eventually, caused her to fall into a coma. They discovered a teratoma tumor--the crazy scary kind that grows teeth and hair--and...well, I'll let you read it and find out what happens.

I Think I Might Use This As My New Sports Icon

What do you think?

Daily Dose

Also, here's my bff, Tom Friedman:

The Next Barrier

[Slate]

Running List of Inane Things We Now Care About Because Obama is Not Actually President Yet

1. The dog the Obamas will bring (or not bring until after they are settled, from a shelter or a breeder) to the White House

2. What school Malia and Sasha will attend in DC (ultra exclusive new age school with one campus or ultra exclusive new age school with two campuses?)

3. What hair-do Barack Obama should not adopt while in office.

Rahm Emanuel: Totally Awesome

Rahm Emanuel is a paradox of a man. I learned this yesterday while leisurely researching President-elect Barack Obama's new Chief of Staff. In fact, I literally laughed out loud (sidenote: should there be like a You Can't Do That On Television sliming every time I use "literally" in this blog?) when I found out that Emanuel--ball busting, dead fish giving, curse word spewing Emanuel--is a ballet dancer. He danced in high school and was even offered a scholarship to attend a dance college, but opted for Sarah Lawrence instead, where he danced his freshman year. This guy is infinitely interesting. He's actively involved in supporting Israel. He lost half a finger in a meat-cutting incident at an Arbys. He is the inspiration for Bradley Whitford's character in the West Wing. And now, he's Obama's Chief of Staff.

Rolling Stone published a lengthy piece on him back in 2005, before he orchestrated the Democratic takeover of Congress in 2006. I haven't read it yet, but imagine it's a good one and plan on reading it in the next day or so.

And if anyone can find video of the man they call "Rahmbo" in tights executing a perfect pirouet, please send it my way.

In the meantime, you'll just have to settle for this video from 2005 of Obama roasting Emanuel:

Ha Ha That's Funny Because That's Totally Not Me....Right?

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

Who Needs Paris When You Have Palin

Over the past week, since Barack Obama won the election, I have been pouring over Newsweek's Special Election Project. If you're not familiar with the project (and I wasn't until last week), it operates like this: Newsweek sends a few reporters on the campaign trail with the candidates and gets lots of insider access by promising not to disclose or publish any of the information they receive or events they witness until after the election. So these reporters basically get to hang out and see the most intimate parts of these major political campaigns for weeks. They have aides coming and venting to them about what pissed them off or what crazy thing just happened. They sing karaoke with chief strategists. They see the candidates at their best and their worst. It's a really interesting depiction of the massive efforts that are going on behind the candidate, who is the only person that most of America gets to see. It's like a soap opera. Here is the entire report (it's long and will probably take you a few sittings, but is totally worth it).