I'll be at the hospital bar

I feel the need to address this. Even though I carried a "Beverly Hills 90210" plastic lunchbox in fourth grade, my mom would not allow me to watch the original show back in the day, no matter how much I pleaded because I wanted to be cool. So when the CW announced it was bringing back the show, I was totally psyched and intended to make it my new guilty pleasure, at least until American Idol came back.

However, after a few short moments of the opening episode, I can't bring myself to watch the new 90210 ever again. It has nothing to do with the vapidity of the characters, the blandness of the dialogue, the fact that Shenea Grimes should have stuck with Degrassi (Canadian teenagers are way cooler), or the glorification of gratuitous wealth and privilege.

I can't watch Jessica Walter.

Every time she appears on screen, especially since she usually has a cocktail in hand, I can't help but wish I were watching "Arrested Development" instead. I keep waiting in vain to hear her yell "Gene Parmesean!" or to give the evil drunk eye. This new character is a boring and unfunny version of Lucille Bluth. And now I can never ever watch television again because nothing will ever be better than AD. Thanks, Fox.